About Me

Havilah Mills

The Hallowell Hub Community Manager, Coach, and NT Partner

Many years ago, I fell in love with someone with ADHD — though I didn't fully understand what that really meant. I'd only heard of it in reference to kids that couldn't pay attention or sit still. I was confused when I'd clean and organize and then days (or even moments) later it would be messy again or hurt when he would say he would call me "right back" and then...nothing. Once I began learning more about ADHD, it changed how I saw and felt about everything. It shifted me from blame to curiosity, and from resentment to compassion. A few years in we also discovered he's on the autism spectrum (previously called Aspergers). But as I searched for support and tools for being in relationship with somebody that was neurodivergent, almost every online community I found was a venting space. Necessary, yes. But heavy. And not solutions-focused. I wanted real support and guidance.

So when we launched The Hallowell Hub, I wanted to be sure it had a dedicated space to support neurotypical partners, friends, and family members. A space that would meet others where I was hoping to be met - in my pain, grief, and confusion but also in my hope, my love for partner, my own growth, my search for solutions. I've spent years studying psychology, communication, attachment theory, and trauma-informed practices — Non-Violent Communication, Gestalt, voice dialogue, holotropic breathwork, relationship work — but my real education has been lived experience. I'm self-taught through years of being neurotypical in relationship with somebody that is neurodiverse. What I've learned is that the gap wasn't information; it was community that could hold both things at once — the grief and the growth, the accountability and the unconditional love. A space grounded in real tools and practices, not just processing. That's what we've built.

My approach is different because I can relate. I can empathize deeply with how complex it is to be living in a human experience alongside someone whose brain and nervous system works differently than yours. I also know it's possible to reclaim yourself inside this relationship and to find deeper compassion, love, and understanding for them and for yourself.